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eric1.wav - "Awe come on you stupid peice of sh...aaaaaaaahhhhh!"

eric2.wav - Eric:  No no, honey honey not that cereal, your special cereal. Claire:  But I like the other one. Eric:  I know you do sweetie but you don;t like it when your tongue swells up so much I have to inject food into your tushie.

eric3.wav - Eric: Brian, get a move on! And where's Maria? Worthless nanny they roll in at midnight and when you ask them for an explaination they puke all over your pants. MARIA! BRIAN! Don't be alarmed if daddy seems a little stressed dear, it's just the mean man at the office is expecting some figures on his desk by 9 but daddy's not afraid of the mean man, daddy's just gonna tell him "don't you be mean to me" daddy's gonna stand up for himself for once

eric4.wav - Eric:  Yes, that's right Eric, that's why you buy a season rail pass, so you can LEAVE IT IN YOUR BEDROOM!!! (neighbor laughs) hahaha you bastard.

eric5.wav - "Don't panic Eric there's plenty of time, the Nativity play is not until 7 and once you've found the figures, got back to the office, all you gotta do is check the figures, correct the figures, retype the figures, print out the figures, copy the figures, distribute the figures, and deal with all the questions about the figures that have piled up while you were looking for the figures"

eric6.wav - Neighbor:  And what about Brian?   Eric:  Well he he..thththththtththe thing, the thing ...he's he's actually....well you know when I say he's uh...very heavily.....very heavily inininvolved in the shepard's scene Neighbor:  So he's a sheep? Well...there's certainly a sheepy aspect in his role I agree....

eric7.wav - "Use your anger, use your anger, use your what if little miss pris is playing the whole bible? So what if Brian is a sheep? You don't wanna get thrown into that whole parents being competitive through their children thing, there's no point, no...because you've ALREADY LOST!"

eric8.wav - Doc:  We're all worried about our kids Eric.   Eric:  But you've got a different temperment then me doc, you don't care. When your wife was giving birth you were next to her having a threesome with a pair of anethesiologists. Doc:  Exactly...It's how you react to situations, not the situation itself.

eric9.wav - Eric: (looking for money to give the window washer) So embarassing.. Course I gotta have clean windows.. God forbid I shouldn't let in all the sunshine.. course this damn country gets about 6 hours of sunshine a year!

eric10.wav - "And while I'm here, why don't I just squigdi your asses?"

eric11.wav - Eric:  (broke Claire's piggy bank)  Make it look like an accident.. Ok, let's see.. um, a chair fell over against the shelf.. and a "My-Friend-Flicka" (??) fell onto a.... Pretty Polly Pony.. Who slammed into piggy, um, knocking him tradgically onto the floor, hence the broken neck.  Perfect!

eric12.wav - Eric:  What kind of father am I? Too wrapped up in my own petty worries to notice the needs of my daughter, well tomorrow things are gonna change, tomorrow I'm gonna become a new father, tomorrow I'm gonna sit down with her and I'll look her in the eye and I'll say Claire, would you like a pony?......and she'll say, Daddy you bastard, you've been reading my diary!

eric13.wav - Eric: (on phone)  Yeah, yeah, just your standard pony.. absolutely no frills.  Just four legs, a tail.  To be honest, if it stands up, I can forget about the tail.  Oh, ok, thanks anyway.  What if I bought a bit of it now, And the rest later?  Yeah, I know you're a butcher, I just thought that if you had all the different peices..  Yes, does your sex shop carry inflatable ponies?

eric14.wav - Neighbor: You're trying to cover up a donkey, I wonder why that is. Eric: What? Oh, no no no no no.. no. See, I'm not trying to cover him up. You can look if you want, please? Go ahead. Um, of course, he's not exactly a donkey.. Well, he looks- there is some donkey in there..I admit... kind of a highbread. He's kind of a horse-donkey-pony-stallion sort of mix thing.. Neighbor: He's a donkey. Eric: Hmm, hmm, donkey-esque, certainly. Still, I suppose you get whatcha pay for, huh? Neighbor: You paid for this? Eric: Noo. well, yes. You know, it's for Claire. Neighbor: And you think Claire will form a lasting relationship with this? Eric: Welllll.. I think the point is, while we as adults, look at him and think, 'Ew, well he's a bit of a funny 'ol thing, isn't he? And he smells a bit, and his eye comes out, and his teeth aren't very good, and his bottom works manually, I think children see things differently, don't they? They don't see the outward appearence so much, you know. They see (donkey sneezes) --what-what's inside..?

eric15.wav - Claire: We can be in the Gymkhana together! Eric: Well, no, sweetie.. Well, maybe not actually the horse show.. Claire: We've got to be in the Gymkhana! Eric: Well, maybe, you could just.. take him, a couple of times, around the garden.. sweetie? Claire: And then we can be in the Gymkhana. Eric: I know... let's have our own Gymkhana, here in the garden sweetie! Claire: Nooo, we have to go in the proper Gymkhana at school with all the other ponies. Eric: Well, the thing is, Claire.. he's not completely a pony. Claire: Ofcourse he's a pony! Eric: Well, no. Uh, to be honest, he's partly donkey as well. And I'm not sure he's really up to being in the Gymkhana, you know, with all the other ponies, who are all ponies, so, I think it would probably be better if we just kept him here.. in the garden.

eric16.wav - Claire:  Daddy, why isn't Brian allowed to come?  Eric:  Because he played with the chemistry set, when I told him not to, honey.  Claire:  Maria played with the chemistry set, too, is that why she's not coming?  Eric:  Noo, Maria's not coming because she's a danger to the public.

Note:  I made these sounds, so if you want to use them on your web site or whatever, it would be nice of you to ask me first.  Also, special thanks to my friend Christine, who so graciously transcripted these sounds for me when I was too tired to type.